Filed under: suspic's speeches
Everyone needs one, and most times you don’t really have one and you need to come up with one right on the spot.
An Exit Strategy is what you use when you desperately need to get the hell out of a social obligation.
I received a phone call from a friend inviting me to a Samra at 6PM last night. Now, I might be clueless about these things but who the hell has a Samra from 6 to 8 and then goes out.
I quickly replied “I’ll see if I have a car..” and forgot about him, as I called some friends and asked if they’re going to be there and I found out I’d be the only one there with a bunch of guys I don’t know. I picked up my friends and soon he began to call each and every one of us one by one to invite us, and we had to elaborately lie. When he called me at 8PM, I just spat out the errandsI ran at noon as if I was doing them at the time
“امي دقت علي وقالتلي اييبلها شي من مشغل بالعديلية ، وبعدين لازم اروح اشتري ورق عنب من الجمعية.. ها؟ اي بالعديلية الحين =O “.
It worked, but soon after I was supposed to meet them after I finished my “errands”. I quickly hated the night out due to bad music on the radio, and the fact that a guy I loathe is with them. You see, this guy throws up if he laughs too much, he smells like armpits, he once stared at a 6 year old’s ass in lust and he enjoys doing the “I would like to perform oral sex on you, fine lady!” gesture to many.
My exit strategy consisted of playing the emo role(Kraysee was my inspiration), soon it hit me! “My brother’s travelling tomorrow morning, I need to be at home in time to say goodbye.” and I ditched them after dropping them off taking a long relaxing drive by myself, only to come home and watch Titanic on TV.
Best Exit Strategies :
- “I’m so fuckin’ dizzy..” card.
- Calling random family members and saying incoherent things to them, as you elaborately build up your sweet escape.
- Blaming excess traffic, and saying you can’t be late. Works well if you have 4, 5 guys to drop off to their homes which takes a long awful amount of time if you’re dizzy and really want to come home.
- The good ol’ “I have diarrhea, I’m only comfortable to my room’s bathroom.” Never used, but works well in theory along with some random moaning in the car “ummm..UHH..I want home.. =( “.
- Spitting out a random family obligation.
- Care to add more?
End of transmission.
